I didn't knew that things could gone worst than before. I felt so dumb with myself. It's all my fault to begin with. It always be. I know that now. I was hurting myself by fulfilling someone's lust. Give them the pleasure they need. I don't know why I'm doing this. Maybe I just... hmm. Am I happy of what I have done now? Do I? Then why I always end up crying at the very end? It hurts me so much. I may look like I'm okay, but in the inside, nobody knows. Not like I'm begging for sympathy or what, I just don't know what I want on the first place. Attention maybe? Respect? Hmm, I know what I want actually. I want to be treat exactly like everyone else, I mean like the other girls around me. Respect, attention, love, care, special treat and so much more. But when it comes to me, they eventually will left right after they stole my crown. Where's my love? My attention? My respect? My special treat? I mean where??! Hmm, I guess, I will never get what I want and I never will. I'm just different, too different maybe. I feel lonely for all of the sudden. I seriously want to cry and laugh at the same time. Know why? I cry because it hurts so bad and I laugh because nobody gives a fuck. Nobody actually care about me. All they want was that 'thing' from me, my very own crown. My one and only weapon to get guy's attention. My life kinda pathetic, huh? I know right. Welcome to my life. This is how it feels like to be like me. You are being hurt but your face will never show it and nobody actually care. So much for my happy ending.
Sometimes I am just too tired to be strong anymore, I need someone to be strong for me for once.